There’s really no denying it, 2016 has been a rough year for the ol’ bars and stripes. The election gets more depressing each and every day, there’s lead in the water, Coldplay’s part of the super bowl half time show happened, celebrity icons are dying left and right, for some reason we’re STILL having to watch people whip and nae nae, Chipotle’s poisoning us, Tidal is a thing, Batman vs Superman assaulted our eyes and brains, and for some reason a 47 year old star of the 90s has been deemed our “most beautiful person” we are truly living in the darkest timeline….but soft, what light through yonder window breaks, it is the east and Grand Mac is the sun.
I have the benefit of living in the Dallas area and was able to eat one of these things today Wednesday March 20th, 2016 as I left work. To be frank I didn’t even know it existed until I pulled up to the drive thru but when I saw it announced in the menu I had to get it. Remember when a burger in a cardboard box was exciting? The original Big Mac was so good, so exciting, such an event that a paper wrapper simply couldn’t contain the greatness within. Flavor this good demanded volume, it demanded a polygon. Over the years the Big Mac lost its appeal. It wasn’t special, the meat patties seemed smaller the sesame seeds on the bun sparse. The bread in the middle was barely a contributor to anything, the lettuce hairlike in texture and you were lucky to get more than a dab of mac sauce. The cardboard box of the Big Mac became a casket, a trophy for a bad decision. McDonald’s had lost its way. It was the comedian Bill Burr who said it best, “the second they made salads it was over.” Not only that but they tried to be healthy. McDonald's isn’t healthy. It’s barely food, but it IS food. It’s supposed to be fast, and it’s supposed to fill me up. Don’t count the calories for me, let me be an adult.
The Grand Mac is exactly that. It’s an adult burger from a restaurant chain that is finally starting to realize it’s not a healthy restaurant and it doesn’t have to be. Compared to the old “regular” big Mac, the Grand Mac’s buns are massive with sesame seeds peppered throughout with some hints of crispiness on the inside, the two 1/6lbs buns stick out and are thick enough that you can taste some beef in there, the cheese is plentiful, the pickles refreshing, and the sauce is much more than just a thimbleful. When that sauce hits your tongue man, it lets you know everything’s gonna be alright.
Look, I don’t know how many calories are in it, all I know is it took two hands to eat this thing. I haven’t needed to do that in a McDonald's since I was 10. Is it healthy? No. Should I eat it everyday? No. Should you eat any burger every day? No. Is the Grand Mac good? Yes. Is the Grand Mac what every Big Mac is supposed to be, absolutely. I love this new McDonald's that’s not pretending to be healthy, or something you can eat every day. McDonald's should be a weekend treat,a reward, a guilty pleasure, the Grand Mac is just that. The Mac box is back.
As I sit here thinking about this experience I had today, and look back even further at all our country has gone through I can’t help but look to the future. I wish I could have kept that beautiful cardboard box that ushered in a new era of American prosperity and greatness but I can go to sleep tonight knowing that we’re gonna be alright. God Bless the Grand Mac, and God Bless the United States of America.